On History… and Wine.
Posted on July 4, 2015
It’s no secret- we, The Grape Girls, believe our own experiences are made better when we add a little wine. Shopping. Studying. Communing with the world at large. So, in honor of this most patriotic holiday, we decided to take a trip down memory lane. The aim? To embrace a few of our fave historical events and accessorize them, Lo/Tee style. Though wine would not have NECESSARILY changed any outcomes, we believe that everything is better with a little #TipItAndSipIt.
Top 5 Historical Moments That Really Needed to #Wine ON:
5. Signing the Declaration of Independence (1776) –
A.K.A. “The Power of the Pen”
1776. Summer. It’s hot, sticky even. Tensions are running high. There are wigs.
Imagine all of those powdered, unwashed bodies pressed into a room-fighting to change the course of history. What’s gonna make this situation more tolerable? Proclaiming the colonies to be a nation independent of Britain? Uh, no. Wine (duh). A Rosé to be exact. Not only would this light, refreshing libation have taken the temperature down a few notches, IF the Continental Congress had let folks know that they had Rosé, maybe the Declaration of Independence would have actually been signed ON July 4 as is commonly believed.
Life Lesson: Nobody comes to the party without the booze. At least not on time.
4. Expedition of Lewis and Clark (1805) –
A.K.A. “Meri[wether] and Will’s Most Epic Road Trip”
When the U.S. purchase of the Louisiana territory doubled the size of the country, President Thomas Jefferson elected Meriwether Lewis and William Clark to check out the goods. Here’s the thing: The Grape Girls DEFINITELY don’t condone drinking and canoeing, however, Lewis and Clark led a team of (one can assume) capable individuals. At SOME point on that YEAR LONG JOURNEY, either Lewis or Clark could have passed an oar and grabbed a Pinot. Betcha if they had, their trip would have taken like, six months…or at least would have felt like it.
Life Lesson: Prioritize. Organize. Delegate.
3. The Boston Tea Party (1773)-
A.K.A. Operation Cream or Sugar
Many Americans were opposed to this famed act of protestation, viewing it as nothing more than orchestrated vandalism. Dressing up in costumes. Jumping on British people’s boats. Dumping 46 tons of tea into the Boston harbor… turns out that the Tea Party was to the American Revolution what profane graffiti would be to a string of Starbucks storefronts. Inconvenient. Unsightly. Annoying at most. Thing is: You could still get your latte. Know what The Grape Girls think would have REALLY brought the point from the harbor home? Wine (Huh-LOOO). Imagine replacing all of that tea with barrels of a really excellent Cabernet. Heads. Would. Roll. The outrage! The horror! Forget the “Shot heard ’round the world”? More like, “The WINE that took over the universe.”
Life Lesson: You break it, you buy it.
2. Y2K (2000) –
A.K.A. “Wait for it…Wait for it…….Wait for it…”
Yes- this is the chronological oddball of this grouping, but just go with us for a sec.
Remember in 1999 when, like Godzilla, the year 2000 was gonna come in and make the world explode? Yeah…that was weird. Truth be told, if ever there had been a time to go out with a “bang” of bubbles, it was the moments, the hours AFTER the clock struck midnight on 01/01/00; nothing takes out a party like hype gone awry. Champagne. The perpetual party promoter. Had it been PROPERLY flowing, we would have totally forgotten the rush of looming Armageddon…we probably would have lost track of more than that, but no matter! That party was dead the INSTANT everyone remembered they had to go to work two days later….and then remembered the things said when they thought the world was ending.
Life Lesson: It ain’t over ’til it’s over.
1. Prohibition (1919-1933)
A.K.A. “The Great Yawn” A.K.A. “Why?”
Ok…so….yeah. People got touchy. Decisions were made. And then there were bootleggers! Why? Because you know what makes a decade better when faced with The Great Depression? Wine. ANY wine. Just pour the damn wine!
Life Lesson: #Duh.
So as you’re creating your own moments in history this holiday, stop and ask yourself,
“Would a Merlot make this better?”
If the answer is “yes,” grab one and make merry.
If the answer is “no”, all good. Grab the Zin instead.
The Grape Girls. Slightly slurry. NEVER sloppy.
Happy 4th from Lo & Tee!
We #HEART you.